On being happy

So I'm just plowing through work today, mentally checking off one task after another as my body scrambled to actually put into action the flood of "gotta get this dones" and a random thought popped into my head: "I'm feeling pretty happy today."

So then I have to go and ruin it and say "Why?" Which led me to think about happiness in general, and my versions of it. I know when something pleases me...for instance, I'm never so occupied and content as when I'm in my home office with the tv on (most likely to an episode of Law & Order or HGTV), a cat on the monitor, puppies at my feet, full drink at hand, puttering with files and webpages and all matter of electronic ephemera.

Which begs the question, why do I feel so gloomy and miserable when I have the above scenario to return to, basically at my leisure? I mean, I have an obligation to be at work when I'm required to be, but even that isn't so bad. So what causes the general melancholia and moodiness? Is it really a jinx on the happiness if it is acknowledged and appreciated?

The keys to 2005: More offense, less sniveling!

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The Resolution Revolution

I hate New Year's resolutions. Seriously. Why put that much pressure on yourself? And why, year after year, do people resolve the same things, only to fail miserably at them. Don't get me wrong, I include myself in this. How can I have a resolutions list 20 items long and expect that a flip of the calendar will suddenly make these all viable goals? Grrrr.

So, this year, I dissolved resolving. I am goal-setting, wish-listing, and project planning. (A rose by any other name?) I am a complex mix of a born organized soul and a messy creative one. What that means is that, amidst the chaos, I am remarkably in order. Go figure that out. I sure can't.

I thought about breaking my non-resolutions into twelve categories, and concentrating on one per month. Whatever progress I made on said goals would be measured, charted, and data-analyzed to death (I can't help it, it's a sickness) and when the 1st of each month arrives, I incorporate the next project into the existing.

But that's far too complex, and I fear I'll set myself up for failure, albeit in a far more organized fashion.

So, I say to myself, "Self, how about choosing ONE really important thing, and just concentrating on mastering that?"

It's brilliant in its simplcity. Near genius-like, even.

One thing. Uno. Single, solitary, invidual. It freaks me out to think about it. I'm a natural jack-of-all-trades. I don't feel comfortable unless I have 20 projects going at once. *Finishing* things is the problem.

So, there you have it. My goal for the entire 2005 calendar year -- to COMPLETE something I've started! I'm sick of everyone around me, myself first and foremost, talk talk talking about accomplishing things. I am holding myself accountable for my words. I am holding those around me accountable for theirs.

Now...to choose the thing!

In which I join the vast conspiracy.....

Look, Ma, I've started a blog! It seems oh so appropriate to begin a blog at the beginning of a new calendar year....then again, it also seems quite cliched. Like resolving to keep a journal every year. I remember as a kid always getting a shiny new diary, complete with breakable lock and tiny little key, for Christmas. I would faithfully write every day -- "Dear Diary: Today I had a ham sandwich for lunch. Robbie Martin looked at me for 30 seconds in Math class. Does he like me, or did I have food in my braces?" That lasted until about February 5th. It's funny how insignificant things seemed all-consuming at the time they were happening. How could I have EVER cared what color prom dress I wore or if some boy thought I was a geek because I knew all the answers in History class? I wonder what things that loom hugely now will end up being minor blips in the grand scheme of things.....it's the classic "if I knew then what I know now..." dilemma.

So why am I doing this now? Because everyone else jumped off the same bridge, I guess. Maybe I was inspired by my own favorite bloggers. Maybe it just seems like the thing to do these days, and I just got a new spiffy computer and I want to have just one more excuse to be in front of it (like I need another one). Maybe I just have something to say. Writing always was therapeutic, and it's something I haven't done with any consistency for quite some time. But really, I just want to have as much fun as everyone else seems to be having!